Done Since 2021-07-11
2021-07-18 08:17 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
mdlbearA . V E R Y . B A D . W E E K .
Colleen died a few hours before dawn on Monday morning. We had been married 45 years, 6 months, 8 days, and 11 hours. The last thing I said to her, when she called Sunday morning before she went in for surgery, was "I'll always love you."
I'm... coping? Not as broken as I expected to be, actually. No real tears except when I tried to sing "Eyes Like the Morning". Somewhere close to tears, anyway. (v.i. 0717Sa)
I can't imagine what this week would have been like if N hadn't been there. She'd promised Colleen that she'd take care of me. The Y.D. is putting together the memorial, which is another load I don't have to carry. I still have the feeling I'm missing something important.
Oh. Right.
Notes & links: 0711Su -- moved to previous week -> @ See Done Since 2021-07-04 / 10:30 (hospitalist)Dr. Rangel called. Her condition is slowly deteriorating - maxed out on BP drug, taking more and more fluids to keep her blood pressure up. She may not last the night. Now I have to decide whether to go up. I know what Colleen would say, but she doesn't get a vote tonight. -> drove up 11ish with N -> we both tried to get a little sleep; were not very successful 0712Mo / Colleen died about 4:30am - (0712)D * Contacted Neptune Society, ordered basic package. -> called back immediately -> they do pretty much everything -> N found a marvelous purple urn decorated with flowers on Etsy. neptune 253-476-2495 225 217 1999 & got about an hour's worth of sleep, or at least doze plus cat cuddle, between 6-8 / called E, V. V came over for a while. R asleep; contacted A by email. --> E volunteered to write FB post. --> Asked E whether she'd like to organize the celebration of life -- definite yes. That's her specialty. / Call from Neptune Society funeral director to get info for death cert. -> emailed signed, scanned docs 4:24pm * write DW post, cc to FB and the various filk and Callahans groups. Ame scene later @ mdlbear | River: State of the FlowerCat, Final Episode @ (Filker : The Bear shambles into the bar looking distinctly unslept | Facebook % I keep running across things where "I'll need to ask Colleen about that. Oh. Right." -> had to track down her birth certificate for father's first name (=Robert) -> still haven't located her address book. / N went splat ~4:15pm. After being up two days straight -- hopefully she'll sleep in / G+T with Monin Violet syrup (closer to teal than to purple, alas!) in Colleen's honor / 5ish call (brother)Al @ E's post on FB. Memorial planning. * cancel Colleen-related $A subscriptions * 15min put away leftovers, start laundry 0713Tu & Awake 3:45ish (woken by pocket-dial call from E) * put laundry in dryer * order second neti pot * back to bed 5:50ish;up 7issh without having slept AFAICT ~ 9am make sure N is awake % Has it only been a day? * 10ish drive down to Seattle with N; plan on coming back for the weekend. -> arrive 12:15 or so. % back pain p~=3.5-4 -> heat. Damnit, forgot the meloxicam. * cancel Colleen's appointment with Dr. Chopra Thursday, Dr. Harper on the 20th. % I did a lot of grieving two years ago when Colleen nearly died the last time. Her final illness was awful, but not entirely unexpected. ~ email Gisela -> FB message from (cousin)Audrey * 6pm dinner with E and M at bitty fish sushi (alder wood mall) -> forgot my cane, but fortunately didn't need it. @ Tom Smith on Facebook - fantastic picture of me and Colleen * upgrade Sable to Mint 20.2 Uma. Really fast down at RS. % naproxen ~10pm 0714We * up 6:30ish; ; % didn't pack CPAP mask headgear, so not a terribly restful night % right hip p=4 -> 7ish heat, naproxen * call Express Scripts to cancel Medicare part D drug plan @ Caring Transitions of South Puget Sound senior relocation services * call: * L' * Dave & Joyce * forward E's announcement to * Dave * L', * V @ figmo | RIP Colleen Savitzky * 6:30 Dinner with Chaos -- Kent Station (mall) north side next to italian restaurant -> talked mostly about spreading the word -- both kids seem to be using the event planning as a coping mechanism, which is good. -> I couldn't figure out how to increase the volume from the BT headset enough to come close to speakerphone volume. * jury-rig mask strap (look in backpack -> hair ties and a velcro cable tie) % mild back paim, headache -> naproxen 10:15, with drugs. Colleen: (see colleen.do) 0715Th * up 5:30ish; ; & order CPAP power brick from cpap.com and DreamWear Headgear with Arms | CPAP.com (which required disabling PrivacyBadger) @ Perseid Meteor Shower: How to See the Year’s Best Shooting Star Show peak mid-Aug * */15 CPAP: change paper filter, wash tub (actually done Tuesday am) * */15 pay AX card, Molly * post on LinkedIn * email sent to Columbae list % naproxen with evening drugs, 10ish o memorial page for Colleen o OVFF membership o swap keyfobs with N because housekey 0716Fr * up 5:30ish; S=6:47, p=3.5-4; # decide whether to go up to Whidbey today or -> tomorrow. N will stay at RS / 15min: a little mailing list cleanup on C's phone. She was on too many lists. % Really glad I decided to take down Colleen's flowered blanket. It's just the right size and more importantly reminds me of her, in a good way, when I look at it. / determined (discord) that both kids want locks of her hair % moving the cats is going to be a major transition. Worried. -> % 11:30ish feeling somewhat overwhelmed # breakout files: {colleen,mom,rest-stop}.do @ Alan Tiesen in Consonance : I have read many eloquent posts about how much Mama Colleen meant to the fannish community on the West Coast... | Facebook * call S to say I'll be home (home?? there) tomorrow . (0716) notify other medical providers: * Eden home health * nephrology / Colleen's urn arrived (ordered by N as a final gift). It's gorgeous. * send pix to E % now I have a headache as well as lower back pain. * 15minL: a little more cleanup -- unsubscribes -- on C's phone. Really, her email; I don't think I need the phone for anything more. * guitar: Eyes Like the Morning -> a full-sized guitar is incompatible with the wingback chair I usually sit in / selecting photos for the memorial slideshow 0717Sa % awake 4something; held Platy, with dry sobbing. There are tears in there somewhere. * up 5:30ish; ; % managed to cut myself on the disposable razor I'd left in the med kit * ordered Apollo Neuro | Wearable Touch Therapy for Stress Relief because stress * "flame fries" for breakfast. box on top shelf of fridge * 15min: add `make bear` for state-of-the-bear posts; modify flowercat: * make sure to take CPAP, med kit, both pairs of glasses, BT headset, cane, laundry * 9:45 go through list again before leaving (9ish-10ish) # talked with G about Colleen's phone -- he suggested giving it to j * tiny hair elastics for the strands of Colleen's braid. x buy (Useless Bay Smuggler's Cove dark) coffee, lobster roll on the way up -> lobster roll place wasn't open; went to Payless but forgot about the coffee % some nice lap time with Desti. * 15min: put (non-folding) cane in Molly * 15min: pack up lift sling, battery, and charger * 15min: put new neti pot in bathroom, discard the old ones / we received a nice sympathy card from Accent Dental : Turns out the CPAP mask previously in the travel case has the right headgear after all -> so I've wasted $40. leave it in the travel case maybe, or with the old machine % I'm going to give the regrets a pass due to perfectly understandable brain fog % 4:30-:45 drifty % 4:50 made myself a gin gimlet -- another iconic Colleen drink * 15min: start cleaning out Colleen's stash of catheter supplies from purple drawers @ It Took Me a Long Time to Come Out as a ‘Plushie’ Lover - The New York Times % 6:45 at the end of my usual social media reading, and I really don't want to read news % meloxicam with evening drugs, ~8pm
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Date: 2021-07-19 08:05 pm (UTC)