River: On Courage

This wasn't going to be my next River post--I wasn't even thinking about this subject--but it seems to be a good time for it. The quiet courage I've been seeing on my friends list, and elsewhere, recently is simply awe-inspiring, and I feel privileged to witness it.

Courage isn't a matter of going forward without fear, of facing down a dragon with a bright sword and a cheerful heart. That may be confidence, overconfidence, or stupidity, but it's not courage. Courage is a matter of going forward in spite of the fear. It's doing what you have to do in the moment, and worrying about the consequences when it's over. It's doing something instinctively, without thinking, and feeling slightly baffled when your friends tell you how brave you were.

Courage is holding a sick child and smiling at them. It's making it through another day at work while waiting for test results. It's writing a series of calm, objective updates for your friends while someone you love is in the hospital. It's telling your friends list you've made a stupid mistake, or telling the whole damned internet how much you love somebody. It's making that phone call you've been dreading. It may just be facing yourself in the mirror.

Folks, thank you for sharing. It makes this old bear happy and proud to know you.

Notes from the day

Odd mood today: not exactly depressed, but not happy either. Kind of flat. As I said, odd.

Dragged my nice new data-transfer drive in to work; it took several hours to upload the big audio and video files. Would have taken a couple of weeks from home; work's connection is about 70 times faster. It even took most of an hour to copy them directly to the offsite backup drive. What this says about the potential bandwidth of my Honda Civic is disturbing.

Plane tickets for the Portland/Seattle trip are issued. I'll be in Portland for OSCon from the early afternoon of Tuesday, July 22 through noonish on Friday the 25th. Tuesday afternoon and Wednesday and Thursday evenings are mostly free. Colleen and I will both be getting in to SeaTac 2:30ish on Friday, staying in the Big Green Monster, and leaving 7:50pm on Sunday.

Had a good, brisk, hour-long walk, taking the extra hill both ways at full speed. Kind of fun to pass and easily outdistance a pair of young women half my age in running shoes. They caught up with me while I was stretching at the top of the hill, and we talked for a few minutes.

Spent almost the entire walk being attacked by a new song, loosely based on parts of my previous post. Still rather fragmentary. The one I was working on before and during Baycon may have to stand in line. The Cat says I've been listening to Amy. She may be right.