See mood

[mdlbear]

Went to Kathy Mar's bash this afternoon -- it was good, and people were very glad to see us and to see Colleen out of the hospital and looking well, but of course being around tasty food was terrible for Colleen. Having to get her home made a good excuse to leave early, which had the side-effect of getting me home before I started to get sleepy. Which is a good thing, too.

We're both somewhat depressed. It's not just the TPN -- the fact that she's missed two holidays, Loscon, our anniversary party, and will be missing Conflikt doesn't help. Nor does the fact that two of our friends died recently, and that January is the anniversary of Cindy McQuillin's death and her mother's.

We both have plenty of reasons to be depressed. That doesn't make it any easier, it just means that happy pills aren't likely to help, even if we were willing to try them. It's the kind of situation where religious people would turn to their deity for solace, and their church for help. We're not. It's the kind of situation where many of our friends would call Colleen to help cheer them up. Um... right.

Yesterday and today were the first walks longer than half an hour I've taken in a week or two. Both times I found myself walking slower than usual; slowing down and stopping a couple of times. I usually do that when I'm depressed. So... I haven't felt up to calling anyone, either. Yes, talking with a friend would probably help. No, I don't want to drag anybody else down. And if somebody cheerful did call me I'd probably just growl at them.

*sigh* Can't win. I'll try making an appointment with a shrink tomorrow. If I can manage to make the phone call.

Don't worry too much about us -- we'll make it. Somehow.

Comments

I could come over now

[hvideo.livejournal.com]

I generally keep Vampire Hours (going to bed at dawn, getting up in the afternoon) - so coming over for a chat here in the late evening (or even early morning like 3 AM) is not a disruption of my schedule. And traffic is light this time of "day".

The nice thing about having ME come over is that I'm rarely "cheerful", so no growling would be required.

Of course, we can send messages here, or a phone call would work too.

[lisa-marli.livejournal.com]

*more hugs*
I never made it to Kathy's too busy with stuff. *sigh*
January is always a crappy month. So take it easy and remember to reach out and say hi. And everyone else will try to stop by and say hi too. At least on Wednesday.
The Bright Side - Colleen is home and getting better. Hopefully Kaiser will get this thing taken care of once and for all Real Soon Now. And she can enjoy the rest of the year.
*Even More Hugs*

Re: I could come over now

[mdlbear]

We'll probably crash soon; I have to be up at 6:30 or so to get Emmy to school.

[blaurentnv.livejournal.com]

I understand far too well about managing to make a phone call. At times, it can take me days to get the energy (wrong word - gumption, maybe) to make even a simple call. I have one on my plate that's going to be difficult that I've been putting off for about 2 weeks and another I need to make to try to get the doctor, pharmacy and insurance to all agree to one of my meds (for the consequences of my hiatal hernia) at the same time. I'm trying for tomorrow; we'll see if it happens.

Many don't understand how hard "just give me a call" can be!

Re: I could come over now

[hvideo.livejournal.com]

OK, getting some sleep is fine. Mind you, if you find you CAN'T sleep, I'll still be available for many hours.

It's OK for you to call here, there's no one you would wake. I'll leave the line open most of the time tonight - but if you get a busy signal it means I've signed the computer back online (we just have dialup), so a message here or an email will find me.

I don't think we have to worry about matching sizes - so I'm sending over a Large Hug for a Middle-Sized Bear.

[acelightning.livejournal.com]

I'm catching up on a couple of days' backlog of email and LJ - see my post about a self-igniting mobo. I'll be replying to your email very shortly.

Meanwhile, have an obscenely adorable baby bunnyrabbit. It is physically impossible to be unhappy in the presence of a baby bunny. I used to have several rabbits in my household - trust me on this.

[smoooom.livejournal.com]

You can't make up the cons, but ever since I read Alice in Wonderland I've loved the idea of "unbirthdays" we've rescheduled holidays and birthdays on the "un" premise. It can be a lot of fun. And please don't discount antidepressants simply because it's situational. Seritonin uptake is effected by stress. Sometimes finding the right pill/dose can be tough but it can help. Trying not to say stuff you already know, but you've had a lot of changes recently, you might almost say you've had a death in the family, try and see your shrink, the right meds can help and the right boby to talk to can be good to.

Thinking about both you and Colleen.

[catalana.livejournal.com]

*hug* I'm thinking of you. and I'll get to see you before Consonance at your Wednesday thing! (I know, I know - not very precise; I didn't get enough sleep and got up to teach Kant (which I don't like much). So this is as much brain as I have.) Anyway, good luck muddling through; I hope things improve soon. And if they don't I'll, umm, come sing depressing songs at you so you have a musical background to your mood? *grin* helpful, huh?

[capplor.livejournal.com]

I do, I find that I really prefer face to face, but too many people seem to require that I phone ahead for it.

At least on-line I can re-edit my words so that I'm fairly certain that I really am saying what I think I mean.

[capplor.livejournal.com]

I'd invite you in for a cuppa, but there's this proximity issue.

You know that there are lots of us out here who care for both of you.

We hope to see you both at ConSonance (heck, we hope to see all of US there) until then, do your best & get as many hugs for your collection as possible.

[mdlbear]

*hugs*

[mdlbear]

"At least on-line..." I understand that one perfectly.

I've been known to set up phone calls, as well as in-person meetings, in e-mail.

[mdlbear]

I don't _have_ a shrink -- I've never seen one. Never even considered seeing one.

Colleen doesn't have one, either, and absolutely won't.

[catsittingstill.livejournal.com]

*hug*

I'm thinking of you.

[aerowolf.livejournal.com]

...wow, you're one step away from using an executive computerized calendar system.

</tasteless-worthless-joke>

[mdlbear]

/me is dying of cute

[mdlbear]

Yay!! Be seeing you then -- it'll be fun.

Actually, I rather like depressing songs when I'm feeling down. That's why "The Band Played Waltzing Matilda" was one of Emmy's favorite lullabyes.

[mdlbear]

*hugs* See you then!

[mdlbear]

*hug*

Thanks. :)

[brmj.livejournal.com]

Hang in there. Things will get better eventually, though it may not seem that way at times. Though there are almost certainly people you are at least an order of magnitude more likely to turn to, you can email me if you need to talk to someone. In case you decide to, I can be reached at bmillerjacobson (AT) gmail dot (REMOVE THIS) com. Instant messaging of some sort could also be arranged.

Also, I continue to send good thoughts towards you and Colleen.

[firecat]

In my experience, "happy pills" sometimes do help with situational depression and grieving. Not by making them go away, but by making them less severe. I'm not suggesting that you take them, though.

Sharing your feelings with your community, getting some exercise, and talking to a shrink seem like good steps to take.

(I'm very much the same way with not reaching out when I am depressed/grieving/exhausted. Motivation to reach out to other people is the first thing to go, for me.)

[acelightning.livejournal.com]

See - told ya! ;-D

Checking in... and maybe some walks?

[hvideo.livejournal.com]

I'm hoping that things seem a little less gloomy today. Not looking for a big turnaround, just hoping for a little progress upwards in mood and motivation.

Exercise is generally rated about even with pills and talk therapy in effectiveness in dealing with depression, though like the pills and therapy (and just about anything else to do with depression) it varies from person to person. It can be easier to face than some stranger (often much easier) and has only good connotations in our society. Since you already do walking in the Rose Garden and such it might not be too difficult for you bump this up a notch (barring physical problems). But if you think an exercise partner could help with this, I'm reasonably up for that. (I say "reasonably" because like you I've had some problems with legs and feet, so there is no guarentee that I could keep it up for very long - but I'm certainly willing to give it a try.)

Re: I could come over now

[mdlbear]

*hugs* Thanks.

Re: Checking in... and maybe some walks?

[mdlbear]

Thanks; things did look a little better yesterday. I've been having trouble squeezing walks into my schedule; on days when I work from home I'm going to have Colleen kick me out of the house around 11am.

[chaoswolf]

You aren't the only one who thinks it's hard. Emmy and I don't like it either. I hateth this fact, as I has to listen to Mom screaming at us because we're capable of eating food and she isn't. I had to put up with almost a half hour of her bitching to someone on the phone right before she left on the shopping run this afternoon, I was getting pissed, and personally felt like breaking something. Not sure what. Possibly the phone jack that went to that base, as it'd be non-violent.

[mdlbear]

You could always have gone upstairs -- at least you can. Yeah, it's hard, but ranting's comparatively harmless.