It's been another rough week. This week it's been mostly health care -- I
found out Tuesday that Amazon hadn't continued my health care as they said
they were going to, so I was unable to order Colleen's humira. (Which, at
$1800 for two doses, isn't something one wants to pay for out of pocket.)
My HR contact is looking into it, but it took several days to get through;
meanwhile I went online and signed up for Medicare Part D and identified a
Medigap provider (ExpressScripts and Premera Blue Cross; both for
continuity and because they seem to get top reviews. Who knows how long
that will last under Trump(Doesn't)Care.)
I know there's something called compassion fatigue. Is despair fatigue a
thing? Or is that just another phase of despair? I find myself incapable
of being surprised at whatever
outrageous thing Trump and the "Republicans" have done each day. (I put
"Republicans" in quotes because they are rapidly turning this country into
a right-wing dictatorship. I feel powerless to stop them.)
Onward. Had a really good trip with Colleen up to Whidbey Island; we went
up the whole length of it and came back by way of Deception Pass. It's
been a very long time since Colleen and I went out for a drive that long
that was just a drive -- our occasional loop drives along the California
coast were probably the last ones. It was a little too long, but it went
ok.
I've been spending much of my spare time catching up on my reading. For
some reason I'd stopped reading LWN (Linux
Weekly News) sometime around the first of the year; in the last two
weeks I've completely caught up. You can see the results in the links,
most of which came from LWN, or indirectly by way of Sacha Chua's awesome Emacs
News. I've also been finding Whidbey-related links. At some point I
need to go back through my to.do archives, extract all the links, and
aggregate them. They're kind of useless scattered across blog entries the
way they are.
I've even done a little walking (not quite every day, and not much because
I seem to be walking at about half my old 3mph pace), a little music, and
a little hacking (almost entirely cleanup tasks). On the whole, I appear
to have been keeping myself busy in a relaxed kind of way, though I
haven't yet fallen into any kind of routine. Later, hopefully.
But.
My last few trips down to the house we used to call Rainbow's End (should
we call it "Rainbow's Ended" now?) have been increasingly sad and
discouraging. We put a lot of ourselves into that house; it was a large
part of what we were as a family. Now we're scattered. We'll come back
together, mostly, on Whidbey Island in a little over two months; it may
very well be wonderful -- I hope it will -- but it won't be the same. I
can't keep from thinking of what I might have done differently, over the
last few decades(!), that might have made it possible to stay there. Hell,
we all made decisions that seemed like the right thing at the time. Can't
be fixed.
"I can't fix it!" is probably what I say most often when things are going
badly. It always feels like my fault. I don't think I can fix
that, either. I should shut up and go for a walk with Colleen.
( Notes & links, as usual )