The Mandelbear's Musings

NOT a good week, modulo a couple of things. It started at bedtime last Sunday: I asked Colleen whether she was ready to go to sleep and she had trouble answering. I tried a couple of times and a few more questions, and after five or ten minutes decided to call 911. Good call.

Apparently mental confusion can be a side effect of a massive infection. She was released Thursday. If you're easily triggered by medical TMI, you might want to skip the notes.

After visiting Colleen in the hospital Monday, I drove up to Oak Harbor (for those of you not familiar with the island, the hospital in Coupeville is about 2/3 of the way there from home, so it made sense to combine trips) and picked up my new facehugger. It has a humidifier, a cellular modem, bluetooth, and a very comfortable mask (Philips Respironics DreamWear). First time I've had a mask that didn't leak. That was the first good thing this week.

The second was a very good singing lesson, and the third was making this post about planned projects -- we'll see how that goes.

Thursday was rough. For some reason, after taking Colleen home from the hospital, I ended up both physically and mentally exhausted, and in pain from what appears to be a torn muscle in my left arm that's been bothering me for a while. I was close to the edge, and over it a couple of times, for the rest of the day. Friday was worse.

The fourth (and last) good thing was taking another run at my taxes and finding out that I'm probably not going to owe anything. That, however, was blown all to hell by finding that the latest invoice from the builder was more than I had in my checking account (I'd known that was coming, but it was still alarming), and then taking another run at the budget spreadsheet and finding myself about $1500/month short. It went up to $1900 after I found a couple of cells that hadn't gotten added with the rest of the column of annual expenses. I don't usually have trouble with Friday the 13^th; this year was an exception.

I spent Saturday mostly being desperate and despairing. I'm going to need an income, and sooner than I'd expected. And my self-confidence is completely shot at this point. N finally got me calmed down by telling me to concentrate on self-care for the next couple of days; after that we'll work something out. I remain skeptical about that. After enjoying a year not working and getting very little else done, things don't look good for finding work. The projects list was meant to improve my marketability as a freelancer, but I don't have the year or two it would take to build up a reputation and a steady income.

I'm reasonably calm at the moment, but it still feels like I'm re-arranging the deck chairs on the Titanic. Which sank exactly 106 years ago today.

In other news, the copy of The Annotated Thursday that I ordered ten days ago is scheduled to arrive... next Thursday. I have no idea what that is supposed to mean.

( Notes & links, as usual )

There was a power outage yesterday evening at the Starport; no harm done, but it triggered some thoughts. Here's the raw data:

  : UPS battery life on nova is under 15min.  That's miserable.  
    stargate:  107min,  5.0% of 865W = 44W  (includes DSL router, switches) 
    nova:       13min, 16.9% of 260W = 44W  Oh.  (varies down to 33)
    trantor:	70min,  9.0% of 780W = 70W
    CPAP rated at 48W, but hopefully uses less -> 30 open; 6 idle  Eeep!  
      That's maybe 3h on its XS1500 UPS.  The alarm had better wake me up!

Ok, so there are two obvious problems here. The first is that Nova, the fileserver, has a miserable uptime. That's not so bad, since the network is perfectly usable without it as long as all you want to do is surf. The other is that my CPAP, which is on the same kind of UPS as stargate (the router) has a much higher power consumption than I thought. The battery wouldn't last the night. Which means that I would probably die in my sleep if the power went out. Not so good.

There are two less obvious problems: Nova's disk took over an hour to fsck. That's a long time to boot, but not not too bad because, as I mentioned, the file server isn't all that essential in the short term. What's more of a problem is the backup drive on stargate. I really don't want my router taking half an hour to boot.

I also discovered that my wireless phone base station is on its own UPS, a 500VA APC that beeps when the power goes out. One of the thing I really like about the XS series is that you can turn the power-fail alarm off. Great in the office. Not so great for the CPAP!

So the current plan is to move the bedroom UPS into the office for Nova, and for the short term move Nova's SmartUPS 420 into the bedroom. Because it beeps. Eventually I'll want something bigger.

I also want to put the big partitions on a once-a-week unmount / fsck / remount routine. Easy. Along with that I want to move the router to a 2.25" drive (which I just happen to have sitting around) for lower power consumption. (I'd rather move the router to a solid-state drive and make the laptop drive external. But that will have to wait.)

ETA: I just found a stack of unpaid bills including this month's energy bill -- 28.2KWh/day, as opposed to 35.1 last year, so a little under a 20% improvement. (The gas bill was 63% more, but we won't go into that. yet.)

ETA: (0403) Actual measurement on the CPAP shows that it uses between 6 and 12 W in normal operation, so the XS1500 will keep it running all night, barely. That's encouraging. May keep things as they are for a while.

Over the course of the last couple of mornings I've finally finished fixing my toolchain software, and in particular the rather misnamed album.make, to handle multiple named sessions (concerts, for example) in a single directory. There are, needless to say, a few bugs left, but I should have split copies of cflute's and tibicina's concerts at ConChord by sometime this weekend.

My attempt to upgrade Matrix, the ancient Thinkpad that I've been using as the living-room browsing machine, to Lenny ended with no X and a mysterious hang. Considering its age and condition, I'm going to give up and either drop back to Etch, intall Puppy, or, more likely, give it an honorable burial in the attic. Harmony or one of the mini-ITX systems will work fine. I'll start with Dantooine, currently the bedroom computer, because Colleen won't be needing it for the next month or so. I'll have to come up with something to put it on.

Some good phone conversations: cflute on Tuesday, joecoustic today, and of course multiple conversations with Colleen. Still not as good as I'd like to be at originating calls -- it's all too easy for me to procrastinate them.

I slept fairly well last night, but woke up about 5:30 with a somewhat sore throat and the impression that I'd forgotten my facehugger. That or woken up, taken it off, and gone back to sleep. *sigh* I really resent the time I spend sleeping. Especially when I don't have anyone to sleep with. That's what I miss the most.

I've been pretty productive this week -- I think my strategy of staying the heck off IM may have something to do with it. My coworker finagler and I managed to slam together a demo -- for possible use on Friday -- in two days. Perl on my end, Python on his, plus a lot of stuff that we were already working on or thinking about. Fun!

No, you don't get to find out what it is. Not yet, anyway. And it's still very flaky; lashed together with metaphorical baling wire and duct tape. But still... feels good.

I'm beginning to wonder whether my recent emotional changes have come about as a result of the CPAP. The timing is about right -- I got it last November 8th.

We need to do some serious house-cleaning over the next couple of months. Our experience with the last couple of houseguests has made it clear that the sewing room really needs work if it's going to double as a guest room. Especially the closet, which is currently unusable. More upwhen, perhaps.

No walkies today: grumble.

I should definitely have watered my nose sometime around lunchtime. I was in a hurry and didn't. Was very congested by the tine I finally did it, sometime around 7:30. Slight headache.

I do appear to still have my voice, and my throat isn't deteriorating; only very slight post-nasal drip.

(Cross-posted to healthy_fen and mdlbear.)

It's been a while since I posted one of these, so let's see...

Went out for a walk this morning (twice around the Rose Garden -- yay! there are finally buds after the winter's drastic pruning) and somehow fell back into power-walk mode. I was a little surprised at how natural and unforced it felt, even after several months of walking with my hands at my sides or in my pockets.

I have been walking, but I haven't been keeping good track, or particularly consistent, since sometime in mid-January. (In part because I was doing other things with my lunch hour, for reasons that have mostly gone away now.) The last couple of weeks, though, have been pretty consistent.

My weight is down to 183 or so, from about 198 at the beginning of the year. I'm using a high protein, low glycemic index diet, and it seems to be working.

I've cut my flonase dose down from two to one squirt per nostril, twice per day. This seems to work even better than the old dose did before nasal irrigation, and doesn't seem to cause any bleeding. I sometimes forget the flonase after nose-watering; it's taking me an annoyingly long time to form new habits. But I can actually smell the flonase now; yesterday evening on the way home I smelled the star jasmine blooming next to the parking lot.

The CPAP is working. The flower_cat no longer complains about my snoring, and she reminds me to put it back on if I've taken it off to snuggle. I seem to need about an hour less sleep; 5 hours isn't unusual these days. They can have my facehugger after they pry it off my cold, dead face.

On the down side, I still tend to become easily addicted to things like LJ, blogs, and (more recently) IM. I need to stay the hell away from Second Life.

On the other hand, having finally gotten my life together, I seem to be in danger of forgetting where I put it.

(Cross-posted to healthy_fen and mdlbear.)

There have been several major changes in my approach to health this year, mainly brought on by a belated awareness of impending mortality and a couple of alarming sets of symptoms.

Walking: I've been getting in roughly three-mile walks most of this week. It's very frustrating: in order to avoid leg cramps I have to either walk slowly (i.e., my old pace that didn't give me much actual exercise) or shorten my stride to what to me is an unnatural degree. These days I usually pick the fast pace and short stride, but it's annoying to have to make the trade-off. I end up walking at about the same speed (3mph) regardless. I've gone back to power walking to compensate. Hopefully when I'm back at work I can cut off the usually-fascinating lunchtime conversations and the temptation to dive back into LJ in time to walk for an hour during the week, too.

Facehugger: I finally built a little shelf on the dresser beside the bed, and just last weekend bent up a piece of coathanger wire to hold up the hose. The combination really helps; it's a lot less likely to leak now. I can also sleep on my back without waking up -- that's a big win. I can't say there's been a huge difference in how sleepy I get or how much sleep I need, but I think there's been some. The silliest thing about it is having to shave about 1cm off the top of my mustache in order for the mask to seat properly -- first time I've had to shave in about 40 years. Well, it was a good excuse for a new backpack, anyway.

Nose-watering: Watering my nose seems to be roughly as effective as taking a standard dose of sudafed, and lasts for roughly as long: 6-8 hours. I've fallen into a routine: morning, before dinner, and about an hour before bed. Morning is, of course, combined with making coffee, and takes about 15-20 minutes. The evening wash is combined with brushing my teeth; I've gotten a bit better about that, too.

Diet: This is the newest bit of attempted behavior modification. It's my understanding that a reduced-carbohydrate, low-sugar diet is good for reducing both cholesterol and weight, so I'm going to try it. It's hard -- potatoes and pasta are both popular in this family. At least the rice we use is basmati, which is unique in having a low glycemic index, and I prefer whole-grain bread anyway. I've stopped eating fried-eggs-on-toast for breakfast and switched to omelettes. At least dark chocolate, and one alcoholic drink/day are still on the diet. By doctor's orders. So there.

With a little luck and more determination than I've shown to date, I might even survive another decade. We'll see.

We're back. The facehugger has really made a difference -- this was the first return trip in several years where I wasn't yawning continuously and fighting sleep for the last 150 miles. I yawned a couple of times, and felt a little sleepy a couple of times (a seven-hour car trip will do that), but I didn't feel as though I was about to fall asleep. Yay!

Many goodbyes and a couple of good conversations this morning. Having a CD out gives me something new to talk about, which is always a good thing.

Total CD sales at the con: 1. Oh, well. Eric sold a few, I think. Having a CD also gives one an excuse to hang out with the dealers.

So here we are at the LAX Marriott. I couldn't get the wired internet connection in the room to work; the wireless sucks rocks but it's better than nothing. I'll bug the hotel in the morning.

I've already bugged the hotel about the lack of an outlet near the bed for the facehugger: they sent up a bloke with a power strip, extension cord, and what sounded like an Aussie accent. I can haz facehuggr now. The Wofling has just put herself to bed. She very sensibly brought an air mattress this time (sharing a bed with her little sister is Right Out).

The trip, down US 101, was uneventful. It's much prettier than I5 and the traffic is consistently less (though it was heavier this year than I've seen it in the last decade of Loscons). About 7:30 including the break for lunch at Pea Soup Anderson's.

Annoyingly, I snapped off a fingernail unloading the car. Even more annoyingly, it was the right forefinger, which is what I use most for fingerpicking. And of course there's no superglue -- I forgot to pack it. Could have used it to extend the stub a fraction. I can get by, though. Won't sound quite as clear, but the difference is surprisingly slight.

The flower_cat, chaoswolf, and I had dinner with AJA and Kore; I hadn't really had much of a conversation with K before, so that was good. There was enough discussion of CD production and related matters that I figured I could treat it as a business expense. The Y.D. joined us briefly for desert; she'd already had dinner up in the Con Suite.

I should probably go to bed soon.

... but not before at least briefly mentioning what I did today. Went for a half-hour stroll by the creek -- not much exercise, but a nice morning, all muffled in fog and comfortably cool.

We had bagels and Scottish salmon for brunch, then headed up to San Francisco for the Lamplighters gala. This year they only had one performance, and they combined it with an auction. Too rich for my wallet, unfortunately, but a lot of fun as a spectator sport. They worked the live auction part (mostly it was a silent auction out in the lobby) cleverly into the end of the first act.

I should mention at this point (for those just tuning in) that the Lamplighters are world-class Gilbert and Sullivan (and other light opera) company; the annual Gala is a parody fundraiser. This year's title was "Harry Patter and the Willing Suspension of Disbelief - A Series of Unfortunate Musical Numbers". To make a long and extremely funny tale much too short, the auction was woven into the plot to raise money to renew the 1500-year lease on the Hogwash School of Witchery and Wizardcraft, in order to prevent it from being turned into a big box retail establishment called Vol*De*Mart... You get the idea.

It was around 7:30 by the time it was done, so we skipped the usual champagne reception and headed over to the Cliff House for a somewhat expensive but very tasty dinner. The kids were happy -- they serve mostly seafood.

Now that the flower_cat's fish allergy (if it ever really existed and wasn't just a coincidental flareup of her Crohn's disease) has subsided, we're getting more fish for dinner. This is a Good Thing.

I wasn't particularly sleepy coming home, but whether this can be ascribed to my new facehugger or to the stimulant=-based decongestant and the four cups of coffee I had with dinner is, as usual, an open question.

But I think I ought to go fall over now.

After two nights with my prescription facehugger, I can't say that it's made a huge difference in how sleepy I feel in the evenings (I'm practically falling over as I write this), but I do seem to be sleeping much better than I did the first week. I still wake up two or three times, but have little trouble getting back to sleep. It may just be that I'm still catching up on a week's worth of too little sleep. I really don't like going to bed this early.

Slept pretty well; woke up at 2-something and 5ish. Would have been quicker getting back to sleep the second time if I hadn't misread the clock again and waited for the alarm (which goes off at 6:15 normally). I'm a little surprised at how quickly I've gotten used to it: the straps are now tight enough that it doesn't leak to an objectional extent, and a couple of times I caught myself reaching up to verify that it was really on. The power of positive reinforcement, I guess.

Tomorrow my pet alien goes back to Kaiser where they will read its entrails memory card and sell me a shiny new one to take home to be my very own little pet alien.

Then I get to somehow attach a shelf to the side of my bed to hold it, and attach a hook to the dresser for the mask. Right now it's on the shelf that pulls out over the dresser drawer, which works pretty well but makes it difficult to get at the drawer (which I use for underwear and socks), and even more difficult to get at the next drawer down (which I use for T-shirts).

Those among you getting bored by this subject can take heart in the fact that I don't anticipate posting many more of these except to mark interesting events, such as the acquisition of new pillows or masks or the sudden appearance of a chestburster.

Woke up somewhere around 2:30 or 3:00 and could not get back to sleep. Got out of bed around 4:00, read LJ, wrote comments, did some other stuff on the computer, tried again at 5:30. No go. Gave up at ~6:15.

I mean, it would be really nice if I could survive on 3 hours' sleep every night. I just don't believe it.

It went a little easier last night. I shaved off about 1/4 inch of mustache to give the nose-mask a place to sit; it was much more comfortable. Got a couple hours of good sleep, but spent the rest of the night waking up with either a stiff neck or a noisy leak. I was never able to keep the air from leaking out, cold and noisy, onto my face.

I use a memory-foam pillow with an abrupt, not tapered, edge, so I was able to let the air-hose hang off the side. It helped a lot, but I'm going to go looking for CPAP pillows -- there seem to be several varieties. Some nasal congestion, but not as much as the night before. Tonight I took my timed-release phenylephhrine around dinnertime -- that should help.

I was still feeling achy, so no walk at lunchtime. And it may rain over the weekend, which would be unfortunate.

Felt a little more alert than usual in the morning, but still felt a little sleepy after lunch. And now. But I'm not sleeping well, or nearly long enough. We'll see.

Today I went in to Kaiser to get the results from last week's sleep apnea test. I passed. Or failed -- I'm not sure which result is which. Anyway, I tested firmly positive, so they sent me home with a facehugger. This one, on loan for a week, is the test version: it varies the pressure and figures out what I need. Then I go back in a week and get a permanent one programmed for whatever it figures out.

Stats: Recording time: 6.75 hrs. Apnea/hypopnea index: 23.5/hr; O₂ saturation: 91% average, 80% minimum; RERA (wakeup) index 4.5%. (I actually got only about 4.5 hrs sleep, so the number of events is actually higher.)

[Meant to cross-post this from healthy_fen yesterday. Update below.]

My treadmill test was this morning. The good news is that there's nothing at all wrong with my heart. (The pain in my left shoulder immediately went away, and has not been back. Right.) The bad news is that 3mph on a 15% grade was hard -- harder than it should have been. And the way my pulse shot up as they ramped up to it says that I'm not getting enough exercise.

Walking 2.5 miles at lunchtime is all very well, but I can apparently walk all day on the flat at that pace without breaking a sweat, so it's doing my cardiovascular system very little good. To get a proper workout I'd have to push the pace a lot, and I'm not sure I can do it without injuring myself. May have to look into the gym (there's one in the building where I work, and it's free for everyone who works there (a personal trainer is $50/hour or so) -- I've been working there for over 15 years and haven't been inside once).

Another option is ankle and wrist weights; I'm definitely going to try those, because even if I do use the gym occasionally I'll want to keep walking. And a treadmill at home is a definite possibility.

I did go out for a walk at lunchtime; a little faster than usual, and I went over the hill on the way out. Not on the way back, though; I felt the whole time as though I was on the edge of shin splints, which I don't need. Been there.

Sleep apnea test tomorrow class today.

Wednesday: The questionaire I filled out at the snoring/sleep apnea class pegs me at 14 or so on the sleepiness scale. 7 or higher is abnormal. There may be other explanations, but it's pretty clear that a sleep study is at least indicated.

Managed a 2-mile walk today at a brisker than usual pace; not clear that I can keep that up without shin splints, and it probably wasn't long enough to be a good workout. Grump. Taking shorter and faster steps seems to help, but I may need a consultation in the gym to figure out what the real problem is.