The Mandelbear's Musings

It's been a little over 5 weeks since my citalopram dosage was increased to 20mg; today marked what felt like another definite improvement. That, or the change has been there for a while, masked by concern over Colleen's condition. In any case, I felt happy for most of the day. A little bit lower in the evening, more like "just OK", but even that's doing pretty well for me. I could get used to days like this.

It's probably related, also, to yesterday's change, whatever the heck that was all about. I still haven't figured that out yet.

I was particularly happy during my walk. I did very little thinking this time, just observing the scenery and the people. I seem able to notice my feelings best when I'm not thinking.

I didn't notice the zombies, but they appear to have snuck in and eaten my brain anyway. Or maybe it was little fuzzy telepaths.

I looked up my recent mood shift: I appear to have been mostly happy between September 24th and October 17th. For some reason it seems like much longer ago.

Things still aren't getting done -- realized this morning that I hadn't even put "splitting up concert recordings from Conflikt" on my to.do list. It really ought to get done before the next practice session, which is next weekend! That and splitting the last practice session, which was a month ago. And OVFF. And...

I've had some breakfast. I'll try going out for a walk soon, if it hasn't started raining. I don't think that will help get stuff done, but it might help a little with my mood. Maybe.

I've been awake since about 5am. Some good snuggle, but Colleen's back asleep now. Feeling lonely and discouraged and bored and restless. Yeah, I know -- all symptoms of depression. The happy pills can kick in any damned time now. And cold; I can fix that. Except I want to go out for a walk. Where it's even colder.